I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize