You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
