Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
