Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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