Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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