i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
