My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize