i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
