college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
