STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
