Im at strip club and am horny
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
