areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
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