youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
what day is it and did you see me today?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
