Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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