Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
