There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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