I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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