i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize