Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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