Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
