it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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