the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
