Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
