I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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