Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
