dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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