so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
