she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
