So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
