So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
