If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
