Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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