I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
