You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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