I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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