Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize