Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
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