Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
