He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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