is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
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