So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
