i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
We're too hungover to prance.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
