this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize