nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
