my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize