...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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