i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
