So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
I did not marry a roomba.
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