Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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