Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
