you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize