Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
a search helicopter?!
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
