So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
