I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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