she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
