last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
