I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
