I just threw up on my dentist
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
