i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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