Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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