we're chasing vodka with high fives
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
She's just so happy...and so naked.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
