I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
