I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize