were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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