I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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