Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
