Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
