she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
