I only kidnapped one of them. chill
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
