the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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