Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
