I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
