Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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