he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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