Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
