Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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