i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
