there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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