You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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