Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
