Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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