The brown eye won't let me do that either.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
