I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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