I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
So vagazzling was a success
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
