In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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