mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
