At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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