My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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