Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
