Apparently you make a good broom.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize