The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
