That's intense
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
