i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
