just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
