apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
