last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
