May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
This gyro tastes like lonliness
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize