Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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