That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
my sisters under your porch take her home
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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