do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
