At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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