Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize