The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
