Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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