when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
