The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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