I think im going to throw up on grandma
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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