when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Text me some of your sweat
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
