you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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