i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
