dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Randomize