you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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