Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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