the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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